The Pressure to Be Okay

There’s an unspoken expectation that at some point, you’ll be okay. That you’ll reach a version of yourself that feels settled, stable, and healed. And when you’re not there yet, it can feel like you’re falling short. Some days, I’m okay. Some days, I’m not. And both of those are real.

But what if “okay” isn’t the goal? What if the goal is honesty? What if the goal is to find people who understand the widow experience? What if the goal is to become a support person for someone else grieving? 

I was fortunate to find two groups of people I could be “just Jerry” with in my grief.

The Young Widows Fellowship was an informal group that met for monthly lunches. We shared our sorrows, challenges, faith, and even laughter.

I found another new social outlet through ballroom dancing, where I met a few other widows and widowers learning new patterns and skills. I often say ballroom dancing helped me move through grief.

Grief doesn't leave — but neither does your capacity for joy, and sometimes all it takes is one lunch, one dance, or one brave yes to remember that.

I’m learning to release the pressure to present a version of myself that makes other people comfortable while I am healing. Because healing doesn’t happen in performance. It happens in truth.