When You Don’t Recognize Yourself

There are moments when I catch a glimpse of myself and feel like I’m looking at someone I used to know. Not physically, but internally.

The way I respond. The way I think. The things that matter now.

Loss changes you. Not all at once, but slowly, in ways you don’t notice until one day you realize you’re not who you were. And that can feel unsettling. There’s a form of grief in that too; the version of yourself that existed before everything shifted. I wanted to grow old with my husband. Now I am just old with gray roots that the hair stylist colors every eight weeks. 

But I’m starting to see something else. Not all change is loss. Some of it is becoming. I became a grief advocate for widows and children. I am becoming an award-winning writer, a podcaster, and speaker with a bold message. My mom has a picture hanging up in her living room: “Not all who wander, are lost.” 

Even if I don’t fully recognize who I am right now, that doesn’t mean I’m lost. 

It might mean I’m still being transformed.