Naming Your Grief

Naming our grief means giving language to the specific losses we’ve experienced—not just acknowledging that something painful happened, but identifying what was lost and how it affected us. It’s the difference between saying “I’m grieving” and saying, “I miss the way my dad used to pray with me before bed,” or “I lost the dream of my child growing up with their grandparent.”

This practice helps us move from vague sorrow to meaningful healing. As Kaye Hurta writes, simply stating “My mom died” doesn’t fully name the loss. Naming means unpacking the layers: the loss of a confidant, a family historian, a source of unconditional love. Each of those deserves its own space to be grieved.

When I name my grief as having lost a child through premature birth or miscarriage what I am really saying is I lost all of the future moments with this child. I may even fear not becoming a mother. I had dreams for this child when I found out I was pregnant. I may have even named this child while it was still in my womb. So, while in our grief we have to name all these areas of loss and eventually accept them.

Here’s why naming grief matters:

• It validates the pain. When we name what we’ve lost, we honor its significance.

• It helps us process. Grief that remains unnamed often stays stuck or shows up in unexpected ways—like anxiety, fatigue, or emotional numbness.

• It invites God into the details. In faith-based grief work, naming our sorrow becomes a form of prayer—laying each piece before the One who collects every tear (Psalm 56:8).

You might try journaling prompts like:

• “When I lost ____, I also lost…”

• “What do I miss most about life before this loss?”

• “What part of me feels different now?”