Who are the Helpers for Children who have Lost Loved Ones?

Family members may be the first obvious response, but they are often processing grief in their own ways. When my family lost a husband, dad, brother, and uncle… every family member grieved individually. Grief tends to demand your full attention so empathy and compassion may not always transfer to others within the family as well as we would like.

Teachers are in this category of helpers for children who have lost loved ones. The societal expectation that educators must be all things to their students is not accurate. I was a teacher who had personally experienced loss as spouse and mother, so supporting children when they were in grief was a natural aspect of my teaching. As a 5th grade teacher, I came to realize that the support of a grieving child was more essential than the fraction lesson. Without having personal experiences in loss, teachers need resources for children like, Joy Overcame Sorrow.

Pastors and chaplains (hospital or military) are another category of helpers for children who have lost loved ones. These children need support beyond the funeral as they adapt to a life without their loved one. In Joy Overcame Sorrow there was time between the funeral and when Joy had processed her grief enough to be able to ask questions about God, her loved one, and heaven. In the book, Joy’s mother scheduled an appointment to speak to her pastor where her family attended church. Perhaps, even a hospital or military chaplain could address a child’s faith-based questions after experiencing loss.

School and grief counselors are additional helpers for children who have lost loved ones. In Joy Overcame Sorrow, Mrs. Tipler offered Joy a safe space to go when Joy’s grief became overwhelming. Counselors can listen, support, and help children to develop strategies to work through their grief. Grieving children need support. Some children may experience anxiety or panic attacks after a loss and counselors can guide the students on how to respond when this happens.  Counselors are aware that unresolved grief as a child leads to unresolved grief as an adult.

Fred Rogers from a long running TV show called Mr. Rogers Neighborhood explains, “When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me. “Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.” To this day, especially in times of “disaster,” I remember my mother’s words and I am always comforted by realizing that there are still so many helpers – so many caring people in this world.”

Community helpers and first responders are often the first ones on the scene after an accident, an emergency medical issue, natural disaster, or even a national emergency. Police, fire rescue, EMS or paramedics, doctors, and nurses are community helpers and, in many situations, the first responders. When I taught Kindergarten, we would learn the names of the community helpers so students would know them and how they could help in an emergency.

The first audience I envisioned for the book, Joy Overcame Sorrow, was the child who lost a loved one. The second audience were the helpers for the children who have lost loved ones. The third audience are the adults who have lost a loved one but may still be dealing with unresolved grief.